Josh-Kerr.com

Joshua 6:20

When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the walls collapsed…

Ironic isn’t it? A story taken from the book of Joshua that happened some 2500 years ago and yet here I am about to tell you a similar story. I went on the Guatemala mission trip not knowing what I’d be doing or what to expect. I went knowing that God had something in store for me and I would just have to trust him.

I’ve been described by many who really know me as “a big teddy bear but I wouldn’t ever want to be around you when you’re angry” and “a big strong man with a big caring heart”. Both descriptions are accurate if you were to ask me however at the same time, like most men, I have my wall. This wall is similar for most men in the way that we don’t talk about our emotions, struggles, pains, weaknesses unless it’s with that someone who we trust. This trust is no ordinary trust either, it’s a trust that most men only share with one or two people in their lifetime. This trust is powerful enough for us to let our guard down willingly, something that many wives out there would kill for.

This past week my wall collapsed and I believe this is what the Lord had in mind for me. While I love the Lord and want to please him I am also a man, a prideful man at that. There are things I don’t do even though I feel the Holy Spirit telling me too. There are more times that I’d like to admit where I tell God that I’ll drive and that I can handle ‘it’. Even writing or speaking about “the Holy Spirit” is something I was not comfortable with. It’s not that I was ashamed; it’s just something that I wasn’t comfortable with. For the women reading this, it’s pretty hard to describe what I’m trying to say. The men reading this are probably thinking, “I know exactly what he’s saying” and that’s because we’re men. We have ‘man laws’ that come naturally to us. We don’t talk about X, we don’t do Y, and unless you know what you’re saying about Z you keep it to yourself. Basically it’s pride.

I found myself this past week doing all the things that I’ve never been comfortable with yet enjoying it at the same time. Praying over strangers, praying for something that I know nothing about, and just praying because I felt compelled to. I’ve prayed for people that I don’t know, I’ve just never done it in the same manner that I did in Guatemala. It sounds corny but I had that feeling of complete euphoria. The feeling or high that you get when she says “I do”, when your child is born, and when you experience God. Yes, my wall had collapsed. God tore it down so that I know him more and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I believe that the Lord had me go down to Guatemala to do his work and to be worked over myself. Once again, it sounds corny but I feel like a new man. God tore down my wall, just as he did with the walls of Jericho, and killed the part of me that he didn’t like, my pride. I can only pray now that I don’t rebuild my wall and that I continue to let the Lord ‘drive’. The experience is more than I can ever write about. I have a whirlwind of thoughts even know and trying to put them down in order for all to read is nearly impossible. Know that I love everything about the mission trip and I’ll be doing everything that I can to go again next year.